


If I Had Known

by Dalish_rouge_archer



Category: His Dark Materials (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, cheeky daemons, in love since they where kids, lee trying to hide how he feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28478742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalish_rouge_archer/pseuds/Dalish_rouge_archer
Summary: So here is the first part of this story, (Y/N) is a friend of Lee from when they were kids, gotten separated when they were teens, both of them becoming Auronuts as adults. They run into one another every once in a while. They have loved one another since they were young and never have had the gut to tell one another how they feel till now. If you are not caught up on HDM there may be spoilers for coming at the beginning of this part and in later parts.
Relationships: Lee Scoresby/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Part One

" If I had known that it would hurt this much to lose you, I wouldn't have loved you so much." That was all (Y/N) could think as she watched Lee being carried in. She let out a heart-wrenching sob as they placed him on a cot and began to work on him. Sage climbed onto her lap as (Y/N) sobbed. "He'll be ok, (Y/N) he's strong, Hester is too, they'll be ok.." The black cat whispered as he pressed himself closer to (Y/N).

12 months ago

"Well, Well look what the cat dragged in." (Y/N) called as she saw a familiar face walk into the local bar. Lee looked up and smiled seeing the face of one of his only childhood friends. "Well if it isn't the prettiest aeronaut, that has ever flown the skies." He called back as he made his way over the women with (H/L) (H/C) and (E/C) eyes.

"Hello (Y/N), Hello Sage, it's been a while," Hester said, hopping up on one of the chairs next to the table. As Lee sat he saw bandages that were wrapped around (Y/N)'s body. " What happened to you?" He asked, taking her hand and examining her arm. (Y/N) winced as her arm was manipulated, " I may have hit a bad patch of weather and crashed my balloon.. It was non-recoverable, so we've been stuck here for about 3 weeks." (Y/N) said sadly. Lee looked up at her placing her arm back down, he hated seeing his best and only friend so lost.

" Well once you heal up all the way you two are more than welcome to come with us up north." He said with his lopsided grin that always made (Y/N)'s heart race even when they were younger. She knew she shouldn't be in love with her best friend but she always had been. " Why are you going north?" (Y/N) asked as she scratched Sage's head. "We are going to look for and help out a friend," Lee said as he finally got the attention of the waitress ordering some food and a cup of coffee.

"Wait you have other friends besides us?" Sage chuckled as Lee rolled his eyes at the cat, " I do, he just happens to be a bear." he said with a smile as his food was brought to him. " Wait you're not talking about Iorek are you, I've heard whispers about him and that he has gotten himself into some trouble." (Y/N) said snatching a piece of bacon off Lee's plate. "You are so lucky I love you as much as I do, cuz sealing a man's bacon could lead to you losing one of those pretty little fingers sweet girl," Lee said trying to keep a stern look on his face and failing as a smile broke though as he watched (Y/N) nibble on the stolen piece of bacon and blush at the nickname.

Hester and Sage laughed as they saw (Y/N) blush. Then they looked at Lee, he had a small dusting of pink across his cheeks upon seeing how cute (Y/N) looked at that moment and the fact that he had just admitted that he loved her. "Umm anyways like I said you are more than welcome to come with us," Lee said clearing his throat as he began to eat.

"Yeah, I would like that it's been a while since we have spent some time together." (Y/N) said with a grin as she looked at the two daemons who were giggling at one another. "And what is so funny you two?" she asked as them. "Nothing, just you guys are so cute together, like your already in..." " Shut up Hester!" Lee said cutting her off a little too loudly.

(Y/N) just stared at Lee sure he was always telling Hester to shut up but he never yelled at her. She reached out to take his hand, " Lee are you ok?" (Y/N) asked quietly. "Yeah, I'm just fine sweet girl, just have to find a place to stay," he said pulling his hand away quickly. " You can stay with us, we have a room here and it's got an extra place for someone to sleep." (Y/N) said with a sad smile as Lee pulled his hand away from her. "Thanks, it saves us having to look somewhere else," Lee said not daring to look (Y/N) in the eyes. (Y/N) stayed silent as Lee finished his food. As she got up and looked at him, "Come on I'll show you the room, and Lee I love you too." (Y/N) said kissing his cheek.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee learns some more info about (Y/N) crash the damn breaks, he is not going to miss his chance to tell her how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't expecting to get another update out this fast.

Lee sat there for a moment trying to process what had just happened, (Y/N) he just kissed his cheek which was something that she rarely did, showing her emotions was something she didn’t do so often even with him and Hester, and she said that she loved him. But how did she love him? Was it as a friend, brother, or something more? Feeling a hand take his, he was pulled from his thoughts looking down to see (Y/N)’s hand in his. “Hey earth to Lee, you alright?” she asked with a worried look on her face. “Hmm yeah just fine, just need some sleep is all.” He said looking to her as he finally got up to follow her.

As they made their way up to the room that (Y/N) had rented above the bar, Lee’s head kept whirling with thoughts, so much so that he hadn’t realized that she had stopped moving, bumping into her and nearly tipping her much smaller frame over. Lee quickly wrapped an arm around her waist to keep (Y/N) from hitting the floor, pulling her close to him. “Sorry, I guess on gone longer without sleep than I thought.” He said letting her go once she seemed stable on her feet once more. “It’s alright, you sure your ok I don’t think I’ve ever seen like this.” (Y/N) whispered looking up at Lee for and a sign of what was going through his head as she cupped his face.

(Y/N) searched his deep chocolate eyes for anything that he was thinking before she realized that he was leaning onto her touch. “Lee, have you missed me that much?” she asked. All he could do was nod, before pulling her into a hug. “I know this isn’t something we usually do, but I worry about you out there on your own.” He whispered into her hair. (Y/N) hugged him tightly, “I worry about you too, now come on let’s get you and Hester to bed and we can talk some more in the morning. The washroom is over here, and you can have the bed I dought that you’ll fit on the sofa.” (Y/N) said as she pulled an extra blanket and pillow from her pack once Lee finally let go of her. 

Lee made sure that (Y/N) was settled before he headed to bed, Hester jumped up next to him. “Lee, (Y/N) lied to us, I was talking to Sage. The crash was much worse than she said and she has been here for 3 months, not 3 weeks.” Hester said. “How much worse?” he asked sitting up a bit, fear washing over his face as he looked through the door at (Y/N) curled up on the sofa. “Sage said that if the woman the owns the bar hadn’t found them, they wouldn’t have made it. He said that she didn’t want to tell you so that you wouldn’t worry about her, Lee you need to tell (Y/N) how you feel. We almost lost her and Sage and we didn’t even know it..” The hare sighed sadly.  
Lee nodded, that was when he decided that he would tell his childhood friend that he loved her. Sleep evaded Lee even though he was exhausted, he sat up quickly as he heard a whimper from outside his room. Getting up to see what was going on, he looked out at (Y/N) on the sofa crying in her sleep as if she was having a nightmare. “I should have told him.. I’m so sorry that I never got to tell you, Lee, how much you mean to me.. I’m going to die, I should have told him.” (Y/N) cried in her sleep. Lee moved toward her gently lifting her into his arms, “ Shhh, sweet girl I’m here and your ok, I’ve got you.” he whispered. (Y/N)’s eyes opened slowly, as she clung to Lee’s shirt crying as he carried her and laid her on the bed climbing in next to her as he held her in his arms. “I love you so much (Y/N), sweet girl you got me helpless, when I look into your eyes the sky’s the limit.” He whispered kissing her forehead before whipping her tears away with his thumbs. “Lee I love you too, more than you will ever know.” (Y/N) said softly before leaning up and kissing Lee gently. He didn’t even hesitate to kiss back, he had wished for this for so long. The kiss what sweet and gentle as lee held (Y/N) close. “I’m yours (Y/N) I always have been, I was just to blind to see it, till I almost lost you.” Lee cooed as (Y/N) rested her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super short update, hope you like it!

A/N  
Fast forward a few weeks to where (Y/N) is healed up and Lee and she are getting ready to go look for Iorek.

Two weeks had passed and (Y/N) was almost totally healed and was more than ready to get out of the sleepy little town. She and Lee had grown inseparable in that time, now that he had (Y/N) he wasn't planning on letting her go. (Y/N) loaded what supplies she had leftover from her balloon into Lee’s, along with her pack and a few things that she had collected for their trip North. Sage sat wrapped around her shoulders purring happily that they were finally going up in the air again. “I can’t wait to be up high again.” Sage purred hopping off of (Y/N)’s shoulders and heading to Hester rubbing against the hare. “You ready to get going, sweet girl?” Lee asked looking up with a smile wrapping his arms around her waist as soon as she got into the gondola of the balloon. “Ready as I’ll ever be, to tell the truth, I’m a bit nervous to be up in the air again.” She whispered leaning against Lee for a moment. Lee hugged her tighter and kissed her cheek. “ I got you, sweet girl, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He said with a smile, and somehow (Y/N) believed him. 

Lee made sure that takeoff was slow and smooth to ease (Y/N) back into being in the air. He looked down at her sitting on a pile of furs, he held his hand out to her. “Come look at the view sweet girl,” Lee said with a smile as he helped (Y/N) up, frowning a bit when he saw that her eyes were closed tightly as he felt her clinging to his coat. “Take your time, love we are nice and leveled off and it’s going to be a smooth ride,” he whispered drawing small comforting circles on her lower back. (Y/N) held her breath as she opened her eyes and turned around, she let out a squeal of excitement as she looked at the view, she had not realized how much she had truly missed being in the clouds for the past few months and now she had, someone to share it with who loved it as much as she did. “It’s wonderful and beautiful!” She said as he held on to the railings of the balloon as he watched Sage make his way around the edges of the gondola. “ I like this balloon more than our old one it’s bigger and it has Lee and Hester too.” Sage purred. (Y/N) smiled and leaned into Lee. “You know sometimes I think he missed you more than I did.” (Y/N) giggled. 

Lee’s heart beat faster god how he missed her giggle, her smile, all of her for so long. “Just be ready for where we are heading, it’s an oil town.. I heard a rumor that Iorek is in Trollesund.” Lee said as he watched Sage make his way to them jumping onto Lee’s shoulder, (Y/N) took a deep breath as Sage rubbed his head against Lee’s cheek. It wasn’t a bad feeling that (Y/N) felt, it felt like a happy warm feeling, like when you first come in from being out in the cold. Lee froze as he watched (Y/N) as Sage’s head touched his skin, he knew that she trusted him, but the fact that her daemon was making contact with him willingly, he knew there was more than trust there. He relaxed when he saw (Y/N) smile and nod at him as he reached up to scratch the cat's ears. “Hey what about me?” Hester said as she hopped on to one of the benches. “It’s ok you can pet her.” Lee said quietly, taking a sharp inhale as (Y/N) gently rubbed the hare’s head. “You ok?” (Y/N) asked looking over at Lee. “Yeah, I’m ok Sweet Girl.. it feels like home.” He said with a smile, not his normal cocky smile but a genuine smile, a happy smile.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys thank you so much for all the reads, feel free to leave comments. So this chapter takes place when Lee is looking for Iorek I only made it about halfway through it. Buy Lyra has made her first appearance! I know these chapters are short, but I've been battling writer's block,

After a few days of flying, Lee looked over the edge of the balloon at the ocean below. “Guys!” Lee called “right here Lee.” Hester answered hopping up to the edge. “Looks like we aren’t the only ones heading to Trollesund.” He called spotting a large boat heading in the same direction. “You sure that Iorek wants us to cause trouble?” Hester asked looking up at Lee. “We owe him trouble, that bear saved our lives,” Lee said with a smile as he took (Y/N)’s hand as they got closer to land. “(Y/N) you might want to take a seat if you're not sure about handling the landing,” Lee said squeezing (Y/N)’s hand. “I’m ok, is there any way I can help?” (Y/N) asked. “Just make sure that everything is stowed away and won’t fall out.” He said with a smile looking at the instrument panel.

(Y/N) did as Lee had asked making sure nothing would fall off or out of the balloon as they landed, she also made sure that Hester and Sage were places they would be safe as well. As they floated closer to the ground (Y/N) gripped the edge of the gondola a little harder than usual, as she had a slight flashback of her crash, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when they touched down. “Here we are, hopefully, the info we got is good,” Lee said as he opened the hatch to the gondola, so they could start to put away the cloth parts of the balloon and hide it somewhere safe, Pack up was much faster with two people working in it.

“I’m going to go ask around about our bear friend if you want to go find a place for us to stay while we are here,” he said to (Y/N) pressing a kiss to her temple. “Ok, I’m going to see what is going on with the boat we saw earlier as well, maybe they might know something as well, stay safe,” she said kissing Lee’s cheek. “You as well Sweet girl, ill come to find you I find out anything,” Lee said a bit reluctant to let (Y/N) go off her own even though he knew she could take care of herself.

“First things first Sage let’s find a place for us to stay and then we can go see what’s going on with the boat we saw earlier.” (Y/N) said looking down at the big black MaineCoon that followed next to her. (Y/N) walked into the local bar receiving looks that weren’t welcoming. She walked up to the bar asking to rent a room for a few days paying a bit extra to try to earn brownie points. Saying her thank you and taking the key to the room and heading back outside, she started to make her way to the large boat sitting at the dock. She saw people walking around the new boat, when she saw an older man and a young girl she looked familiar for some reason walking into town, she made a mental note and kept going. She began to ask anyone she met about the bear she and Lee were looking for. (Y/N) was mostly met with cold Stairs, non-helpful answers, and some threats. (Y/N) may have had to brandish her hidden knife a few times as she started to give up. She headed back to the bar, moving faster when she saw Lee get thrown out of the bar. “Lee what did you do?” She asked looking down at him before helping him up. “All I did was ask about our friend and things went south rather quickly, but I did get some watches and a wallet out of it.” He said with a smile. (Y/N) rolled her eyes, “Guess I’ll have to sneak you in a back way so you won’t have to sleep outside tonight my love.” She whispered gently caressing his cheek. “You take such great care of me, Sweet Girl.” He said with a smile. “Before you ask, no I didn’t find anything out about the bear but the ship is carrying Gyptans, they are a search for some children that were taken from them. There was a young girl with them she looks familiar but I can’t place why or from where…” (Y/N) said as they began to walk to the security office. “I have to ask some questions of the man in this office, he has the info we need to find Iorek, you may want to stay out here (Y/N) I don’t want anything to happen to you if things go wrong,” Lee said with a soft smile. It was rare that Lee used (Y/N) real name unless he was being serious or they were in danger, he even did that when they were kids, it was always Sweet Girl, and more recently My Love. (Y/N) sat outside and listened through the walls of the shack, even if the man that Lee was talking to couldn’t hear it, Lee was getting annoyed at being told no for the hundredth time. (Y/N) heard things started to get heated, she held tight to her knife in case she needed to save Lee, then he walked out looking even more frustrated. “Lee we will figure out something,” (Y/N) whispered as she walked next to him. “Let’s go get some food, get some sleep and come up with another plan,” she said gently taking his hand in hers. Lee could never say no to her, she always was the one to take care of him when he didn’t realize he needed it. “Your right my love, maybe looking at this with some fresh eyes after some sleep will help. I have a question for you did you happen to talk to a young girl who was with the Gyptians?” He asked. (Y/N) shook her head, “I saw her though, I swear I’ve seen her somewhere before but I can’t place where.”


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> super short update, I've hit a wall with it so I'm stepping away for a week

“You’ll think of it, maybe it will pop if you talk to her,” Lee said as they walked back to the bar for some food and sleep. (Y/N) sent Lee to the room while she got them some food making sure she got bacon for Lee to make up for the ones that she took. She made her way quickly and quietly to the room with two plates of food and a bottle of whiskey. “Dinner is here hope your hungry....” (Y/N) said stopping in her tracks as she saw Lee walk in shirtless. No matter how many times she had seen him like this over their lifetime, he always took her breath away. “Ummm so yeah I have dinner and I got you some extra bacon to make up for always stealing yours,” she said looking at the ground her cheeks turned bright red as she placed down the plates on the small dining table in their room. Lee laughed softly as he watched (Y/N). He never understood how someone so tough could be turned into a blushing mess, just by him being shirtless. Once (Y/N) had put the plates down, Lee walked behind her, hugging her tightly from behind. “What’s wrong Sweet Girl, see something you like?” He whispered kissing her neck gently. (Y/N) leaned back into Lee’s embrace. “ I always like seeing you, I just wasn’t expecting you, to not have a shirt on, that all.” (Y/N) said trying to regain her composer. “Well now that I know it gets you all flustered and looking so cute when you blush I’ll have to do it more often,” he said with a smile as he tilted (Y/N)’s chin up giving her a gentle kiss once more. “ I’ll go put something on so you can eat and not get distracted.” 

(Y/N) let out a sigh as Lee walked away, this man would be the death of her someday and she was oddly ok with that. She sat down and began to eat, pouring herself a good amount of whiskey into her glass. Lee walked in seeing the bottle of whiskey on the table. “I guess I must have flustered you more than I thought, you’re drinking alcohol,” Lee said sitting across from (Y/N) taking the bottle and pouring himself some. “It wasn’t just that it had been a long frustrating day with trying to get info, but at least we know he’s here and that you can try to talk him into coming with us. Lee smiled, “I just hope he wants to see me.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> Updates will be sporadic, but I will try my best.


End file.
